The Perfect Mother…

by Danielle Zack on May 12, 2013

What is a Mommy’s Job?

When we think of ‘Motherly Duties’, we think of late nights and early mornings. We think of kissing boo-boos and wiping tears. We think of time-outs and tough love. We think of field trip chaperoning and long hours creating school projects. Of course, we also think of cleaning up the same messes over and over, and over, again…

These are duties that come with the title of ‘Mom’. Each duty is very important in its own right. We know this because when we are doing these things, we feel like we are doing something right. We know that we are giving our love, time and support to our children. But are we still missing something?

Mommy’s Most Important Role

If we look at motherhood as all of these small tasks and duties, then we are missing the big picture. Do you know why you do all of these tedious little things for your children everyday? Because you love them, you want them to be taken care of, and you want them to feel loved? Of course! But why is that so important?

The bigger picture, that can be hard to see through the piles of toys and laundry, is that we do all these things to build a relationship with our child. What makes this relationship so unique, is that it is the first relationship they will every have on this earth.

Why Mom Holds all the Power

The first human being a child learns to communicate with is their mom. They learn how to make themselves heard (a.k.a scream loudly) so that their needs are met. As they grow they start to understand that mom has feelings too and that they like it when she is happy. They then learn that their behavior can make mom happy or sad. The older they get the more involved the relationship becomes.

This sacred relationship is the basis of every other relationship your child will have for the rest of their life. This is why we want our children to feel loved, supported and appreciated. This is why we do crazy things that we never imagined doing before we became a mom. Our relationship with our child will affect rest of their life.

We hold the power to make them feel strong and invincible or weak and deflated. We have the power to show them what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, or to have them spend their life searching for the meaning of love. We put so much focus on whether or not we are a good mom, that we can easily miss the true meaning of motherhoodbuilding a positive and loving relationship with our child.

The Perfect Mother

Being the perfect mother has nothing to do with being perfect ourselves.  The perfect mother is quite simply a woman who fosters a strong and healthy relationship with her children. When you show your children what it means to be in a healthy relationship, they not only feel confident, secure, and loved, but they know how to develop strong positive relationships the rest of their life.

Suddenly dealing with peer pressure, bullies, friends, teachers, bosses, dating, and breakups seems much less scary. Because they already know what a good and supportive relationship looks like. They understand what it means to be respected for who they are.

The Greatest Gift

It doesn’t matter if you can’t make it to all of your child’s field trips or classroom parties. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay at home mom or working mom. It doesn’t even matter if you can’t afford that one perfect birthday gift this year. The greatest gift you can give your child is the gift of a healthy and happy relationship with you. Nothing will ever hold more power in their world.

Remember that everything you do for your child, is building your relationship with them. Make it a loving and lasting one.

Keep that Sexy Momma love going strong!

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This Fall, marks an important milestone for my little Adelina. This fall, she learned how to ride her bike without training wheels. Such a huge moment in their tiny lives is bittersweet for any mom. At the same time we are welling up with pride, our heart feels a tinge of emptiness as we understand that, while they are not literally riding off into the world on their own, they are one small step closer to independence.

Adelina didn’t spend as much time as I thought she would, circling the cul-de-sac on her wobbly wheels. Although, it was during this rocky ride, as I was hunched over clutching the seat of her clown-sized bike, that she said something that really made me think. Something that took my focus away from her shaky riding and my strained back, and made me realize how mature this little 4 year old mind can be. Her observation pulled me back down to reality to see just how important this moment was for her. She looked up at me and said, “Mom, this is a lot harder than I thought.” Naturally, I gave her the typical ‘mommy talk’. I reassured her that she was doing a great job and that if she just kept at it a little longer, she would do it all by herself. Which is exactly what happened.

My perspective was coming from the other side of her two-wheeled battle. I knew how close she was to reaching her goal and I knew how important it was that she achieved it. If I wasn’t there to support and encourage her, she probably would’ve given up. I began to realize how many times I have given up when I was very close to achieving a goal. Especially with goals that seem small and insignificant. Goals that I brushed off until the tomorrow that never seems to come. Simply because I found out that it was, “a lot harder than I thought”.

In that moment while I was hunched over and Adelina was looking up at me, the only thing running through my mind was that I couldn’t let her give up. I knew that she needed to keep going so she could feel strong and successful. It was my job as her mom, her cheerleader, to push her to her potential. That is what moms do. That is what you do for your children.

But where is your cheerleader? Where is mine? When we grow up, we don’t have a cheerleading section that follows us around. We are the cheer-leading section! We cheer on so many others that it feels like there isn’t any cheering left for ourselves. But, just as we tell our kids that our love is big enough for each of them, our cheering is the same way. Don’t forget to cheer for yourself just as wholeheartedly as you do for your children. Even better, share your goals with your family and friends so that they can give you the support that you deserve. You might feel like you’re living in a solo show most of the time, but when you let others in, their support can surprise you!

Love comes full circle. As you can see below, when I open up and allow them to cheer me on, my lovelies give me just as much support as I give to them. Nothing feels better than these moments!

The smile on Adelina’s face as she took off on her two wheels all by herself, was priceless. She radiated with pride and confidence as she passed all the neighbor kids and shouted, “Look! I can ride on two wheels now!”

We live to see our children succeed. But we can’t forget that it is even more imperative that we live to see ourselves succeed. Your child’s success depends on your own success. Always be your biggest cheerleader! That way you’ll be ready to tackle anything that turns out to be a lot harder than you thought.

 

Sexy Momma Hugs and Kisses,

 

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